Sharing My Grief Journey
2017-08-30
Sharing My Grief Journey
I want to help
As I sit here, about to write my very first blog, I want to make my goals and intentions clear. If anybody out there is dealing with intense grief over the loss of a parent or any loved one for that matter, and can relate to my words and be comforted knowing that they are not alone…I want to help. If anybody out there is either going through a domestic violence situation themselves or knows someone who is, if they take action because they hear my story…I want to help. This is my unique grief journey and I hope reading about it helps anyone else out there who is hurting too.
Writing through the pain
Writing has hands-down been my best therapist, and the creative exploration of it has allowed me to sort through my thoughts and ideas about what has happened in my life over this past year, since I lost my mom. It has given me the chance to slowly reflect and process. While it hasn’t helped with the pain, it has assisted in my ability to absorb the hurt and let it become part of my being. This was the only way forward for me, because the pain never subsides, I have just learned to live with it. I had to figure out how to let more love into my life, so that it could wrap its arms around my sadness and grief.
My mom was murdered
A little over a year ago, I got a phone call from my brother that will echo in my memory forever. “Mom is dead.” Those three words haunt me on a daily basis. “My mom was murdered.” It’s a phrase that I’m now comfortable saying, because I’ve become almost numb to that part of my life. The only way that my brain could possibly deal with the agonizing stress and trauma that results when the man who helped raise me, someone I loved, planned out, calculated, and rationalized the killing of the one person I loved most in this world, was to put it in a box, label it “this isn’t real” and push it to the back of the shelf. The only path out of anything unbearable is to crawl through it. One step at a time, one foot in front of the other…breathe in and breathe out. In the beginning, you need to remind yourself to keep doing those simple things…because you will forget.
Someone you can relate to
I belong to a Facebook group for children of murdered parents. A recent comment on one of my posts really got me thinking about the lack of resources out there for us. In all my research I could barely find anything about dealing with tragic loss, let alone having a murder-suicide involved. There is plenty out there about loss and grief in general, but it all felt so impersonal and almost condescending sometimes…like I was a little child learning about death for the first time. I desperately needed to hear from someone who had walked in my shoes, someone who would be brutally honest with me, and someone who I could relate to. I wanted ‘real talk’ and I couldn’t find it anywhere. I hope that my experience and my transparency will be able to help someone else who is desperately looking for answers, just like I was. My first series of blogs will focus on my truths about grief and dealing with immense loss. My grief journey is just beginning and will continue for the rest of my days. Bless you if you are on your own journey through grief.
Thank you for being here and thank you for listening. I hope this helps…