Elise Green

While reading through my mom’s gratitude journals, I came across a list of the top 10 desires she had for her life. Number 5 jumped out at me right away, because she only wrote one word. It was in all caps: TRAVEL. Because her life was tragically cut short, she would never have the chance to cross the other 9 items off of her list. However, travel is the one thing I can help with. It’s something that she and I can experience together, even now. The thought filled me with joy, and I immediately started thinking about what I could do to make it happen.

Her Dreams of Travel

When I was a teen, my mom saved for a year so that she could take our family to Hawaii. She did the same once more and we had an amazing experience onboard an Alaskan cruise. They were truly unforgettable and amazing trips. Despite how wonderful those trips were, I knew she had the itch to visit far away tropical places and explore Europe as well. However, she was stuck in a marriage that limited her and kept her from fulfilling those dreams. Her husband refused to travel outside of the USA. Because of that, her wings were unfortunately clipped for most of the 27 years she was married to him.

Our Caribbean Adventures

Things changed when I moved from California to Florida 9 years ago. She began to visit me for a month every summer, and during that time, she and I began traveling the Caribbean together. It was a dream come true for her, and for me as well. I have a wandering heart and a huge passion for travel. So, when she suggested it, I was all-in. We had a fantastic time together and made memories that I now keep close to my heart like the most precious diamonds in the world. They are the happy memories of us that keep me going, that make me smile, that make me remember how important it is to chase my dreams and make them come true.

How to Make it Happen

The question remained: how could I bring her along with me or incorporate her into my travels now that she has passed? The answer came when I remembered that I had a bit of her ashes still in a box in my closet. Last year we spread her ashes in a ceremony on the beach in Sanibel, her favorite place. While planning that event, my sister and brother had requested to keep a portion of it back, so that they could take it home with them. I am so very glad that they did, because I kept some of it too.

The Plan

Literally, I get to travel with my mom everywhere I go. In theory, the plan is to bring just a tiny bit of her ashes with me on each trip I take. Then identify an ideal time and special place to scatter her ashes there. Not only does it fulfill her dreams of travel, she is going to be there with me in those incredible moments. I can think of no better way to keep her memory alive, while making each of my trips extra meaningful.

Starting the Tradition

For my birthday this year, my husband Richard and I decided to go to the most beautiful Caribbean beach I know…Grace Bay in the Turks and Caicos Islands. It was the last place that my mom and I visited before she died. At first, I was weary at the thought of going back there only 2 years after she was killed. This place was so very special to my mom and I, and now it holds the last memories I have of us on the beach together, laughing and enjoying life. This was the perfect spot to start my new tradition of showing my mom the world.

The Beach

In the quiet hours of the morning, on my birthday, we went down to the beach. As the turquoise water glistened in the early morning sun, the waves lapped gently onto the sand, beckoning me to step in. I put my toes in the surf and opened up the small container that I brought with me. I lovingly scattered my mom amongst the sand and the seashells, right where the tiny waves kissed the shore.

Stepping back from the surf, Richard put his arm around me. We stared out into the beautiful bay and tears rolled silently down my cheeks. I closed my eyes and remembered all of the good times that my mom and I had on this beach. We swam and snorkeled in this water, we laid out under the palm trees, and we just enjoyed being together. She was my very best friend and life without her is so unbelievably difficult.

The Rainbow

We turned our backs to the water and began walking up to our cabana on the sand. I said to Richard that I think my mom is going to like this new tradition that I’ve started, and I told him that I was really looking forward to taking her to more places. When we got back up to our lounge chairs, I sat down, and looked out into the bay. I let out a huge gasp when I saw it, and I got chills on a warm April day in the tropics.

A rainbow had formed during the 30 second walk back up the beach. We could not believe our eyes, because the timing of the rainbow was much too perfect to be a coincidence. There was no doubt in either of our minds that my mom was there with us in that moment, and that she loves the idea of traveling with me.

Significance of the Sign

It wasn’t just a rainbow. My mom has always loved rainbows. She had a huge rainbow hanging in her 1stgrade classroom for the 21 years that she was a teacher. Her middle name is Dorothy, so naturally, she was a big fan of the Wizard of Oz. She dressed up as Dorothy every Halloween, and “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” was one of her favorite songs. In fact, it was used at her Celebration of Life, and also Richard learned to play it on his guitar for the ceremony we held on the beach in Sanibel to scatter her ashes. The rainbow has become a sign for my mom, and it was never more significant to me than in that very moment.

The Brightness

I’m so thankful that she sent me the sign that she was there. It was comforting to know that she is happy about traveling with me too. If I had ever doubted whether or not she’s watching over me, every ounce of doubt was removed in that moment. What an incredible and meaningful birthday gift I got from my mom this year.

My heart has a huge hole in it that nothing else will ever be able to fill. However, that day, I got so much light and love from my mom. The empty space felt a little less painful, a little less lonely, and a little more bright. I carry that brightness with me every day, to remind myself that she is there supporting me, encouraging my healing, rooting for my happiness, and pushing me forward, just like she did my entire life. Thank you mom for always being there for me, then and now.