Elise Green

I felt like I got slapped in the face and stabbed in the heart at the very same time. A few days ago, as I walked into my local Hallmark store to get a card for a client, there it was…the dreaded “Mother’s Day” section, front and center, on display in all its glory. It physically hurt me to look at the words “Mother’s Day” plastered everywhere in cheerful colors and fonts. I immediately averted my eyes, like ignoring it was going to change the fact that I will be reminded 317 times over the next month that Mother’s Day is right around the corner and I need to buy a card and gift for her. For those of us living here without our moms, it is a painful reminder that hits us over and over and over again. Radio commercials, TV ads, grocery stores, and even my social media feeds will be full of ads reminding me to remember her this year. Thanks world, I haven’t forgotten.

Celebrating Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day used to be such a fun holiday. I was always one-hundred percent confident that I was the luckiest daughter alive and I had the best mom in the world. When I was younger, even in my teens, I felt that way. I recognized everything she sacrificed for me and I wanted to make sure she knew how much I loved and appreciated her. Shopping for her Mother’s Day gifts was something I really enjoyed and I wanted to make them extra special every year. I also had a ritual of hunting for the perfect card that I felt did her justice. Little did I know that Mother’s Day 2016 would be the last gift I ever shopped for or the very last card that I picked out for her. I miss being able to celebrate her. I miss her.

Last Mother’s Day

Last Mother’s Day was tough for me, but I was completely distracted by the fact that I was having my bridal shower that morning and getting married the very next day. Distractions, especially ones like that, are great for coping during these difficult times when we are missing our loved ones. However, even though focus gets pulled in another direction, it doesn’t take the pain away. The whole lead up to Mother’s Day, I burst into tears each time I heard an ad for Edible Arrangements or 1-800-Flowers. It’s just a constant barrage of painful thorny stabs repeatedly jabbing your heart. Instead of thinking “I need to buy something for her” or “that sounds like a nice gift” my internal monologue sounded more like “I don’t have a mom anymore” or “I’m so jealous of everyone who still has their mom here.” It is such a challenge not to let the negative thoughts manifest. I actually felt like all of those ads were out there just to torture me and I really let them get me down. As soon as I had that adverse reaction in Hallmark the other day, I realized that I needed to do something different this year. I have many more Mother’s Days on this earth to get through, so I needed to come up with a plan.

The Plan

I decided that the only way to cope with all of this noise, was to take it in and manipulate it into a positive experience for me. I would need to essentially rewire my emotional reactions to these triggers. That, I know, is no small task. As it happens, there are so many Mother’s Day reminders all around me during this time of year, and I will get lots of practice in learning how to do this. It’s not going to be easy, but I think it’s imperative for my emotional well-being and healing. So, my plan is this: since I have so much love for my mom, that now has no place to be expressed, I am going to use it to combat any negative feelings that arise. Each and every time some Mother’s Day ad comes on the radio, or I see it in a store, or I read someone’s post on social media about them enjoying the day with their mom, I am going to attempt to let my love for her overpower everything else. Specifically, I will immediately begin to think of all the things I love about my mom, until the negative thoughts fade away and I am only feeling my love for her. Now, this is much easier said than done, and I’m sure I will fail along the way, but this just seems like the best way forward.

Testing The Plan

I decided to test my new plan while shopping in Target today. With my trusty red cart there for support, I pushed it past the towering aisle filled with a wall of Mother’s Day cards, strategically placed near the entrance of the store. Instead of looking away like I would normally do, because it is too painful to endure, I forced myself to peruse the cards. I wanted to tear myself away from them, because I could feel the tears beginning to build behind my eyes. I was now starting to doubt if this “shock therapy” was such a good idea. Picking up a random card that was decorated with yellow flowers on the front, it said “For Mom.” I opened it up and the inside was a very simple message. It read, “With gratitude on Mother’s Day. I love you mom.” Well, that was all it took to open the flood gates, and there I was crying in Target, the card shaking in my hands. I knew I needed to get my emotions in check quickly if my plan had any chance of working.

It Worked!

I closed my eyes, pictured my mom’s face, and imagined myself in front of her telling her “thank you” and “I love you.” I tried to surround my heart in as much love for her as I possibly could. I have no idea how long I was standing there like that, hopefully it was only for a few seconds. Without even realizing it, a smile had appeared on my face. It worked! I opened my eyes, wiped my tears, put the card back in its holder, and pushed my cart confidently away from the land mines.

Some Advice

No doubt, it will take years of practice to perfect this love takeover, but I think just trying means I’m already halfway there. To anyone who is hurting during this Mother’s Day season, I know how you feel, and my heart goes out to you. We should all try to give as much love as we can to the memory of our beautiful moms. To those of you lucky souls who are still fortunate enough to have your mom here with you, please celebrate her as much as you can. On Mother’s Day and every other day of the year. Please trust me when I say that you never know how much you love someone until they are gone. It is cliché, but it is so painfully true. Hug your mom more and call her “just because.” Tell her how much you love her and appreciate her. Most of all, take the time to make memories with her. At some point in your life, those memories will be all you have to hold onto, and you want them to be abundant and special.

Thank You

Thank you mom for teaching me how to be strong and how to love. For you have given me all the tools I need to make it though the very toughest challenges in life.

Happy Mother’s Day!

I love you mom.